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For years I’ve gotten close to my faith, then strayed, then returned to where I felt I belonged. And yet, each time, I never really felt like I was in an authentic space within myself. The people-pleaser in me always wanted to do right by everyone without ever really putting myself first.
Even after becoming ill in 2011 and hearing the sentence “you’re a complex case!” every other week by a new doctor for 3 years, I still never understood just how important it was to think about me and me only. Now I can finally say with confidence that I have completely refocused on what makes me happy and keeps me calm. Throughout my health journey a lot of people have asked me about how exactly I keep my sanity. How do I find the ability to still laugh, and smile, and live?
Truth be told, those who really know me would say I’m not completely sane. And after years of crazy symptoms, chronic pain, surgeries and continuous tests, chemotherapy, daily pill swallowing, and a completely altered lifestyle from anything you’ve ever known–do you blame me?
All I have to say is this: if you truly have no control over a situation and there is nothing you can do to change it, learn to accept it. Use your eyes and wisdom and find a different perspective on it that might give you a little bit more comfort. That’s all you really can do. So I learned I was sick, I put my trust and faith into people who claimed to have the knowledge of treating a person with a disease like mine, and I let God put His hands on them. After that, I sat back and did my part and let the rest fall into place. I disconnected from my physical body and realized that this is simply the vehicle my soul is traveling through Earth in, but it’s not who I am.
I do not claim my disease. I am healed already, in another life, I am pain free and happy eternally.