Caught up in the matrix

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Yesterday was Thanksgiving and at a time like this, I couldn’t have been anymore excited to spend time with family and loved ones.

In light of this year’s many police brutality tragedies followed by the election day results, I think we can all agree that Thanksgiving ought to be a time to look forward to returning to an essential state of peace within ourselves. But while this day also serves as an actual holiday by the nation’s ‘silent majority’ (as Trump campaigners put it), I couldn’t help but dig back deep into the chasms of my brain and shake my head in dismay. Truth be told, the reality behind how Thanksgiving Day came about is yet another prime example of the white supremacy upon which the United States of America was built.

I have faith in my God for pulling us through. But still, I mourn.

Even on Thanksgiving I had mad tunnel vision that kept me from fully enjoying my family and it’s a shame. Choosing to focus the greater part of my energy on something so negative and totally out of my personal control is nobody’s fault but my own, although it’s hard to deny how easy social media and the such can sweep us up into a frenzy of equal truths with theories.

For more reasons than one, I wish I could do the day over. I woke up today with the realization that I let what should have served as a precious moment slip by me. I have this morning with my Nana, an auntie and some cousins. My sister is here with her husband and son, too, and I am full of gratitude. I want to look them in the eyes and smile at their jokes. I want to listen attentively to their stories and truly appreciate their presence and their life.

Last night I prayed before bed with the intentions of God refocusing my mind and giving me another chance. Sometimes we just have to let go and live presently, in the moment. It’s so necessary. Today I will enjoy the moment for what it is, and love my loved ones to the best of my ability. I will get out of my own head and be grateful. I hope you do the same. We owe it to ourselves.

How are you feeling this holiday season?

I wanna know, really. Follow me on Instagram @DevriVelazquez. Photo of me by @Monique_Rdz

5 Comments

  1. I feel that. It’s been a long time since i’ve taken the day for anything more than one of the 4 weekends out of the year I go to see my mom and dad, and one of 2 that i’m guaranteed to see my sister and niece as well. i don’t want to shht on anyone’s day though, so i don’t speak of the ugliness of the “holiday” unless it comes up. (for example, a friend posted a meme the other day saying “ruin thanksgiving in four words.” it was meant for humor but all i could think was “Native Americans. mass murder.”) i don’t talk politics with my mother because i know we usually don’t agree, though if she brings something up i try to open her mind a bit, and she will listen. her bf is a lost cause though and we’ve actually gotten into it over black lives matter before, which upset my mom, so he doesn’t go there anymore. i have no idea where my sister and her husband stand, but my dad is the one person i can discuss politics with because 95% of the time we’re on the same page. still, even discussing the current state of affairs with someone who agrees with you doesnt bring about good feeling, because of what it is. i dunno. i appreciate you sharing your thoughts in your blog. i’ve kept mine bottled til now, to not rain on anyone else’s “day of thanks.” I guess it’s all about finding a balance.

    1. some battles are not worth fighting or wasting energy on. the main thing that matters is continuing to nourish your relationship with self–soul, body, mind, spirit. all of that. thanks for sharing!

  2. That Matrix thing is so real, especially when you realize most people who are caught in it – don’t even realize they’re trapped. This post is great because just reading it might be able to help someone recognize the trap and break free, ideally.
    My holidays tho? This year like every year, anti traditional. And not ‘anti’ for the valid “holidays, as we now know them, being the epitome of our country’s blissful ignorance” reason…but more because my family is just as non traditional as I am, so it works. I like to use my holiday vacations to focus on me. To some, that statement might seem selfish, but for the rest…y’all understand. All year around I make conscious efforts to get my family together for fellowship, spend QT and nourish my relationships with them. This relieves any pressure I might have felt to break my back (or the bank) in the name of The Holidays.
    However, I will wear the nice red Santa hats and wish joy and cheer to all those in my path all season long!🎅🏼

  3. I always appreciate your truth Miss Devri.

    It can be hard to grasp the moment when you become conscious of the reality in certain instances, the mask of a smile where something cuts so deep but we just have to let go and let God. I found myself in that space several times this year and I agree that it steals moments that you should be enjoying in the presence of those who you love, those who inspire you and those who always spark a great conversation when they are around you.

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