The free-thinking, ever-evolving human being with a deep desire to maintain total control of their destiny may or may not be reminded of the pit of their stomach anytime the thought of marriage and lifelong commitment is brought up in a conversation – so per usual, I’ll speak from my own perspective on this.
It was in my single-digit years that I first decided I wanted to have children but never get legally married. My gut instinct always told me that it was the best decision for myself and a potential partner, and was based upon my projection of the lifestyle I intended to lead. Until quite recently, that choice managed to exist and remain relatively unscathed — even with constant mainstream societal norms shoving a capitalist agenda down my throat.
However, my heart and mind have joined in experiencing a shift.
The truth of the matter is that I have pretty big plans that I cannot just leave to anyone to handle. remember 50 Cent’s movie, Get Rich or Die Tryin’? That pretty much sums up a mindset I’ve carried on my back since adolescence. For me, the term “rich” doesn’t necessarily refer to material wealth or worldly possessions, but instead means having an abundance of security in the future as well as a deep trust in continuing a legacy I worked so hard to build from the ground up.
Of course, I also have to consider my health journey. I have a chronic illness that is unpredictable and it is imperative that I always have someone around who I can trust to make smart decisions on my behalf when my own sense of judgement slips away. Prayer, Brujeria, Natural Selection – no matter your religious affiliation or spiritual beliefs – doesn’t work on its own. If I was going to take my dream seriously and to the next level, I needed to buckle down to the thought of committing to another person on an extremely granular level. And sometimes, considering both parties’ needs in cementing the union, entering the world of signing official government document validation is necessary.
Gasp… yes, I just said that.
The process of conscious coupling with hopes of it lasting a lifetime requires a smattering of things like self-discipline, vulnerability, and good will to name a few. Above all, it takes constant work. What makes or breaks this concept is knowing that everything is a choice. Love is never enough – I always need a target to aim at. These days more than ever before, the legacy is one of those targets. I also still want a family. Time and energy are of the essence. It may not be a particularly sound decision to choose to do this with a stranger. Therefore, I must do what is needed in order to keep the dream alive.
How do you feel?
I’d love to know. Drop me a line in the comment section on my IG.
photo of yours truly by @hq_fotos
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